Communicating with Your Roommate(s)
Living with someone is a great way to gain independence and even to make friends for life, but it can also be difficult, especially if you’ve never had to share living space before.
By communicating effectively with your roommate(s), you can avoid unnecessary conflict and resolve any conflict that may arise.
To make your messages clearer, use “I” language instead of “you” language. “I” language can help by:
|
When you’d say: | Try this instead: |
| I can’t | I can | |
| You are wrong | My understanding is | |
| I don’t | I do | |
| You have to | It would help if you | |
| I never | Today | |
| You don’t understand | Let me clarify | |
| You can’t | You can | |
| I don’t know | I’ll find out | |
| I have no idea | I know who can help |
Beware of Demands
Have you ever felt like you would be blamed or punished if you did not do what was being asked of you? If so, then you know how it feels to have someone demand something from you.
Demands also tend to come with criticisms and judgment.
| People shut down when they hear things like this: | Find out what they need by asking: |
|---|---|
| You should know better | Can you tell me about … |
| The house is supposed to be clean at all times | What do you think about … |
| I deserve to have my girl/boyfriend over any time I want | What is your opinion or … |
| I have the right to do whatever I want | What do you know about … |
By trying to empathize and understand why your request may have been turned down, you can avoid this mistake.
When we use demanding language, people will either submit or rebel. Either way, the chance of working together to meet everyone’s needs is diminished.
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